Lord of the Flies - The Day the Falkland War ended
by Tongan
Summary: Jack and Ralph, now middle aged, make an appearance on Elliot John's talkshow...with ironic consequences.


1 Michael Oliver  
  
Lord of the Flies  
  
Interview Transcript.  
  
  
  
1983 - The day the Falkland War ended  
  
Elliot Johns is Britain's leading media personality. He has hosted a variety of television programmes ranging from cooking shows to sports shows. However, his latest undertaking is an in-depth current affairs programme which is renowned for exposing the truth from a variety of subjects. This week's show centres around the Falkland War, a subject most British people find to risqué to talk about. However, Elliot Johns was able to find two people willing to go on camera and debate Britain's involvement in the Falkland War:  
  
Tory Party MP and Assistant to Margaret Thatcher, Jack Merridew and Peace Lobbyist, Ralph Robinson. However, on this night, Elliot Johns was to uncover something which was supposed to stay a mystery forever...  
  
* * *  
  
(Opening music kicks in)  
  
(We see Elliot John's sitting behind a gleaming glass desk with his guests sitting on either side of him.)  
  
Elliot: Good evening and welcome to this weeks edition of "Johns". Once again this weeks headlines have been dominated by the conflict between Her Majesties Britain and Argentina, over the Falkland Islands. In the studio with me we have Chief Assistant to the Prime Minister and Essex MP, Jack Merridew.  
  
Jack: Good evening, Elliot.  
  
Elliot: And Peace Lobbyist, Ralph Robinson.  
  
Ralph: Hello.  
  
Elliot: Jack, several media commentators have suggested that the war over the Falklands is doing more harm than good and that the British Government can no longer justify the deaths of soldiers while in battle. Your response.  
  
Jack: Elliot, the Government has said on numerous occasions that this 'dispute' over the Falklands is a necessary and effective path to reclaim what is rightfully ours. We will not back down.  
  
Elliot: But surely the loss of hundreds of British soldiers is a concern to you and your administration?  
  
Jack: Yes, we had expected casualties to be lower but it is the price you pay for reclaiming what is yours.  
  
Elliot: Ralph, you have been more than eager to express your views on this topic, the small scale protests outside the House of Commons and Buckingham Palace to name but a few. Has it all been in vain?  
  
(Ralph takes a deep breath)  
  
Ralph: No, it has not been in vain. This is a meaningless and costly war which Britain has got itself into. There is no need to fight over these islands...  
  
Jack: (interrupting) The British Government prefers the title 'British Colony' to 'islands'.  
  
Ralph: There! Perfect example! The Chief Assistant to the Prime Minister doesn't even know what to call the islands our men are fighting for!  
  
Jack: I am well aware of what our brave men are fighting for, and thank you for referring to me as the 'Chief' Assistant to Mrs. Thatcher.  
  
(Ralph peers at Jack)  
  
Elliot: Right, moving on. Jack, the Queen last week was quoted in the 'Sunday Times' as saying that the 'dispute' over the Falklands "must be resolved quickly." Your thoughts.  
  
Jack: Obviously her majesty is suggesting that our Navy ships should do whatever is in their power to win this war. For the good of England, our boys must kill this Argentine beast, and literally spill it's blood.  
  
Ralph: That's the typical statement of a sadist who doesn't want to do what's best!  
  
Jack: It's the most practical way and the only way to resolve this conflict.  
  
Ralph: I disagree! First of all...  
  
Elliot: (interrupting) I'm sorry Ralph but we must cut to a commercial break. (Looks at camera) When we return, our guests express their thoughts on ways to end the Falklands conflict, right after this.  
  
(Music kicks in again)  
  
(Commercial Break)  
  
(During the break, Makeup and Wardrobe personnel drape themselves over Elliot)  
  
Elliot: (to Makeup woman) I think my cheekbone needs to be freshened up.  
  
(Jack lights a cigarette and takes a puff. Ralph takes a long scull from his water glass. The two exchange glances)  
  
Jack: Well, looks as if you're driving the wrong way down a one way street! And to make matters worse for you, no one else is there with you.  
  
Ralph: I beg to differ. The public will wake up to reason and see the harm this bloody war is causing.  
  
Jack: The public won't join you, Ralph, because I'm giving them what they want. They want Argentinean meat and our men are giving it to them.  
  
Ralph: Savage!  
  
Jack: (Mockingly) Well, blow your conch Ralph, see if they come running! (Laughs)  
  
(Studio Manager runs in front of camera and signals three, two, one)  
  
(The studio lights up and the show is back on air)  
  
Elliot: Welcome back. Now Ralph, you say you have a solution to the conflict in the Falklands...  
  
Ralph: Yes, Elliot. Control, order and a sense of diplomacy is the only way this war will be resolved.  
  
Jack: (interrupting) Ohh, rubbish! Only by means of physical force can we destroy this beast which has taken over our colony!  
  
Ralph: There is no beast! If there was a beast, it would exist inside anyone who tolerates the slaughter of innocent people!  
  
Jack: I shall not be taking this lightly! You can not insult the decisions of Her Majesties Government!  
  
Ralph: Excuse me for a second, but your name is Merridew, right?  
  
Jack: (cautiously) Yes, I'm sure you knew that before hand...  
  
Ralph: You're the former conductor of the Church of the Holy Sprit Abby Choir?  
  
Jack: Yes, though I can't see how this has any relevance to this debate!  
  
Elliot: Yes I am inclined to agree. What relevance does this have, Mr Robinson?  
  
(Ralph starts laughing quietly)  
  
Jack: He is making a mockery of this debate!  
  
(Ralph continues to laugh)  
  
Ralph: (laughing) Typical of you to 'kill the beast', isn't it Jack!?  
  
(A look of pure horror comes across Jack's face)  
  
Jack: I say! Stop this tomfoolery!  
  
Elliot: Ralph, will you cease this at once?!  
  
Ralph: (oblivious to Elliot's pleas) You know, I would have never guessed it until you said something about the conch!  
  
Elliot: Excuse me?  
  
Jack: This is ludicrous! Surely you won't let this pass, Elliot?!  
  
Elliot: Ralph, you mentioned something about a shell...?  
  
Ralph: A conch to be precise. Roger destroyed it when he killed Piggy, remember Jack?  
  
(A look of immense fear comes across Jack's face)  
  
Jack: (mumbling) No, no that never happened!  
  
Elliot: What never happened! Tell me!  
  
Ralph: Well Elliot, there's a time for truths and there is a time for lies. Now is a time of truth. (Takes a deep breath) Myself and Mr. Merridew were both...'Lost children of the Pacific'.  
  
Jack: Lost children of the Pacific!? That's just an urban myth!  
  
(A painful silence surrounds the group)  
  
Elliot: Hang on a minute here, are you trying to tell me and the entire British population that yourself and Mr. Merridew were part of the group of children rescued off a pacific island during the time of the invasion of Indonesia by the Japanese?! The infamous 'Children of the Pacific' to be precise!?  
  
Jack: (irate) No!  
  
Ralph: Yes, we were. And he (points to Jack) is still as bloodthirsty as he was on the island when he murdered that epileptic boy. Simon, I think his name was.  
  
Elliot: But Mr. Robinson, the story of the 'Lost Children of the Pacific' is strongly believed to be fictional. Have you any proof of this?!  
  
Jack: It's all lies!  
  
Ralph: (looking at Jack) The proof is right there. Savage then, and savage now!  
  
Jack: This is nothing more than a ludicrous attempt to derail and undermine my credibility!  
  
Ralph: Do you remember the fat boy, Jack? You know, he had glasses? We lit the fire with them? Tell Elliot what happened to him!  
  
Jack: Fat boy!? I know of no fat boy!?  
  
Ralph: Piggy, Jack! You hated him! You wanted him dead!  
  
Elliot: (holding ear-piece) Ahh, my Producer is telling me to cut to a commercial...  
  
Ralph: Go on Jack, be the 'fearless Chief' you are and tell the people the truth! Were you or were you not on that island!?  
  
(Long pause)  
  
Jack: (Bitterly) Yes. Yes I was on that island, and damn it, I should have got you too! You weren't a real Chief! You were a boy trying to be a man! At least I was a Chief who could please his people!  
  
Ralph: Or beat them if they didn't toe the line...  
  
Elliot: (shocked) Beat them!? Jack, is this true!?  
  
Jack: Yes. Yes it's true, Elliot, and I'm proud of the things I did on that island. Those things made me the man I am today!  
  
Ralph: Cold hearted savage.  
  
Elliot: Both of you have been living a lie over this!?  
  
Jack & Ralph: He's the one who's living the lie!  
  
Elliot: It is almost impossible to believe that you and a group of other boys actually survived this!  
  
Ralph: Some did not.  
  
Jack: They were weak.  
  
Ralph: They were stronger than you or any of your hunters, Jack!  
  
Jack: You would have died on that island, if it wasn't for me and my hunters!  
  
Ralph: That's ironic, Jack, I was thinking the exact opposite.  
  
Elliot: So, let me get this straight. Jack, were you responsible for the deaths of at least two boys on the island, as Mr. Robinson claims you are?  
  
Jack: I'm not going to sit here and take this! I'm Jack Merridew for Christ sakes! I am the Chief Assistant! The Chief!  
  
(Jack stands, rips off his microphone and storms off the set)  
  
Elliot: My God! We have once again exposed the truth here, and I would like to apologise to the viewing public for the display by Mr. Merridew. But certainly what has been uncovered in the past ten minutes will shake the very infrastructure of Britain, and who knows, in the coming days more survivors of the lost Children of the Pacific may come forth, only time will tell. That's about all the time we have for this week, I would like to thank Ralph Robinson....(clutches ear-piece) AND THIS JUST IN! ARGENTINA HAS SURRENDED! THE FALKLAND WAR IS OVER! How ironic for this to happen right at this particular moment!  
  
Ralph: It's as if we've closed one island's problems with the opening of another.  
  
Elliot: And on that auspicious note, this is Elliot Johns saying good night, and God bless.  
  
(Elliot reaches over and shakes Ralph's hand)  
  
(Cut to credits)  
  
(Fade to black) 


End file.
